“I don’t really have words you know, at least not any I’m willing to part with. I just fake it. Every day, I blather away, carefully skirting around the things I will not utter, and the secret that tears my heart to little sheds. I am alone, in such a complete sense of the word. This worry, this ache, that I do not trust another to bear. So many reasons why I cannot jump, cannot say the things that would ease me…or hurt me further. So many reasons why I run.
I am a coward you know, the woman who built her life on personal strength and solitude, running from the darkness like a child to a blanket. So many things to bare all at once, so many punches to roll with. I have been beaten by them, these mental vacillations. Twisted ’round with indecision. Part of me wishes nothing more than to gamble, but a greater part has seen the error of too much emotion in the presence of your friends. I will not allow others to carry the weight for me, I am perfectly capable of holding my own.
Still…There are moments when the temptation is so close….”