Wondering

In the soft sound of a sigh in the darkness, is contained a perfect description of my current state of mind. A flutter of pages as my book is flung to the floor, and a sharp crack as my pen is bent in two… No more.

No more will my thoughts wander into your hunting ground, and the ink speak secrets into the night… No more.

I have yearned, dreamed, hoped madly for a second chance, and been met by only stony silence in your gaze.

I cannot- I will not- bare my throat to your murderous smile. I will not give the best of me, only to see it trampled on and cast away.

There are many pieces of me that have been stolen now, sacrificed to the fickle God of friendship, but there are still plenty bits left to perform the required function.

I no longer sing that song to myself, I no longer smile when you cross my mind. Instead I sharply turn away from my own impossible wanting, clutching my chest and the wound still seeping there.

So strange, you know… All I ever wanted was respect, perhaps a hug on a cold winter night. Apparently these things terrify you too much.

But still…

Still…

I may not hum your tunes, but my heart still remembers how you felt there… I wonder, is there a hole in your own heart that bares my name?

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2 thoughts on “Wondering

  1. john

    tis a shame to speak so profoundly of by gone loves and losses.
    tis indeed an honor to have had the pleasure and the experience of love inspite of the pain and the midnite tossing.
    another love will fill the hole and subdue the pain, as if an ocean wave along the sandy beach washes.
    oh! to have another turn at the bastard ways of love and life,will it be real and forever, or just another hole in the sand for the waves to to fill up.

    Like

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