Journal Entry 7/8

“Playing russian roulett with feeling and emptiness… Who will win out do you think? Loneliness being a steadfast bed partner and the only honesty in my life, whispers gently to me when no other will…

My secret ache, the unbearable weight of apathy, the helplessly hoping walker of dripping forests at midnight… The solitary stalker of contentment, forever empty in my belly when the hunt is through…

When the stars shine down with a smile that is wry and knowing, when the rain makes me as wet in my clothes as I am in my head, when the moon passes with her face averted in a waning gesture of respect for my nakedness of heart, when the silence wraps around me till it fills my ears with the weightless sounds, I find I know my way around here…

Laughter, spontaneity, softness, vulnerabilities, love… These are things I do not know how to hold. Give me solace, pain, sadness, desolation… These are aspects I know well, emotions I find easier to understand and carry… Experience has taught me the art of playing with fire, and mine is a heart that burns well…

Still, sometimes I wish I could put down this weaponry, this arsenal of cheap tricks and smoothly delivered white lies. I have not yet discovered the person who could hold all of what would come spilling out of me, however, and I would rather carry all of it myself, no matter how painful, then to give it to someone who throws it away as trash… “


3 thoughts on “Journal Entry 7/8

  1. john

    you once asked me to leave you alone and I have, but I still read every one of the words you leave behind almost as soon as they are posted.
    that said I have been able to better under stand the the true nature of some of the personal torment within. and I applaud you for the way in which you share.


  2. sorry jackass, i’ll use spell check next time… i didn’t want you to leave me alone john, just for all the silly profusion of wordpress comments to slow down a bit 😉 stay riteous brother…


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