Holiday Dinner, The Dark Underbelly

This is my funny poem for the holiday season. You will soon be overwhelmed with a nauseating amount of “cheer” so here is a bit of the macabre for those of you who find Christmas commercials as infuriating as I do.

In a house of wooden echoes

Where chairs scraping floor boards

Carved eulogies for stuffed turkeys

Shining tile counter tops bore mute witness

To the merciless beating of eggs

Whipping of sweet-cheeked cream

Pounding of hapless dough

Lobster screams haunted the rafters

Specters of oysters who never saw it coming

Lingered in confusion by the sink

Jumbled hell of frantic vegetable ectoplasm

Grasped desperately at the lip of a mulching pail

Chaos reigned in the microwave

Where over-processing made gibbering lunatics

Of once respectable nuggets of chicken

Spirits of fish gather at the faucet

Trying to swim upstream

While ghostly crabs pray to halogen suns

Their pincers waving, empty of meat

A defeated hand towel hangs forlornly on the oven handle

It will mop up the squash guts, severed heads of broccoli

Scarlet puddles of strawberry, even skinned bananas

It does not complain as the feast is consumed

Drippings and stains on his body are witness

To the massacre of Cesar salad

An avocado’s last moments

Are smeared across the bright floral print

The family gathers, for a toast


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