Waiting It Out

IMG_1204

 

This miasma, foul air
Vapor from the shameless exhales of chatter
Pollute my lungs with every patient breath
Leaving a residential tar more cloying
Than this cigarette, or any other
Crutch I have leaned upon

In these eyes lurk a feral glow of savagery
Are you so blind that you would smooth my jagged shape with polish
Because I’m blurry about the edges, and ill-defined?

Do you think adjusting your gaze intently
Will alter the reality of my flesh and bone?

I will meet you here naked in the golden light of dawn
Bare, shameless in my possession of flesh
This moment is mine, immersed in solitude
Yet no walls defend my gratifying silence

I would welcome the song of two heart beats dancing
While this rain whispers “yes” to every denial
Opposing each fear you unwittingly buried
Or uttered with shame in that silence you covet

Advertisements

Arise

Laying here saturated, wet with dew
As dawn lends your countenance a golden hue
In the mind’s eye glistens, a devious dream
As an animal in moonlight, they furtively gleam

Hunting, watchful, I am tasting the trail
Left by the passing of those who prevailed
Reaching for depths where others have drowned
Knowing it is in ignorance that knowledge is found

This universe is greater than one mind can hold
But I will grasp the stars if I learn to be bold
Fearlessness is for fools who don’t know of demons
Bravery is for the ones who face them with reason

My sword is a pen, my shield is a page
I will fight with love and never with rage
With a heart flayed open, eyes turned to the sky
One day my spirit will learn to fly

For The Mothers

For Simon

When I first held you
Red, wet and beautiful
Felt the breath in your small body
Looked into those eyes
Seeking and clouded
As you turned for the first time
To the sound of my voice
I knew then, why I came here

I felt a shifting within me
Deeper than I ever knew
Or believed myself capable
Of an emotion so tangible
That it physically gripped me
In my once lonely heart
And in that wordless moment
I gave you my soul

All the strength I possess
Every lesson hard won
Is a gift for you
To lead you onward
In your pursuit of dreams
And a life lived well

You are my sun and moon
My horizon, my ocean
I vow always to guide you
With empathy and honesty
To be your port in the storms
That will surely try to sink you
As your vessel sails
The swells and sorrows
Of love and learning

I am a Mother, a mountain
Your mirror and your sword
The day you came into my life
I became two people
Growing larger inside
Making space for your laughter
In the hollow places
Where once only sadness
Lay silent and serpentine

We make a circle, this family
Connected by threads
Gossamer yet unbreakable
Invisible, intangible
And more beautiful than a sunrise
On the first day of Spring

Lost Ones, Found

Lost Ones, Found

Rain washes me clean
Though I am dry in the lee
Of this porch, of the wind
Of a past I rescind
This moment is mine
The echo, a sign
That my hollow places
Scars and traces
Are not so far behind
That they cease to bind
Although I am learning
This glorious burning
Feeds decadence and decay
The way we all pray
To our own saving grace
In our own silent place
Where we confront our story
Beside transcendence, and glory
So I write, to spite
Darkness and light
Recalling that society
And also piety
Are constructs of fear
Divinity is near
Not found in perspective
Or a comfortable elective
Your soul is your own
A struggle, wisdom grown
From all that you were
Those paths that diverged
Led you unerringly here
There is no need to fear
Be all that you are
An unnamed star
Shine alone, while those deride
For it is in solace that you reside
where you most presently become
A contribution to the sum

 

I Am A Rose With Many Thorns

Once, winter cut through me, despite my layers
Like a knife in my back that was undeserved
I bled on my long walk homeward, soiling the snow
Ice condensed on the toes of my boots, the ends of my long hair,
Swished and scratched across my collar
There was sorrow there, in darkness
Where I did not use my flashlight

I drank a few beers to distract from my distress, but still, that road was long and quiet
I would find myself speaking Shakespeare and Masefield into the darkness
Warding off bears and and other musk-scented demons from the shadows of my mind
With poetry…

With solace and metaphor

Yet still I was haunted with echoes, as if it were a ghost
And not the memory of those words that hounded me

My time here is limited, these lessons are sacred
Moments when Will becomes stronger than weeping

My own heartbeat, my own silence teaches more
Than any book I have ever read

HERE I am, in this moment of Aloha
I see how my path has led me to the sea
As I knew it would, for I am liquid…
Now I must learn to SEE with these new eyes
To be as open as the horizon that surrounds this island

I remember the lessons so dearly won
Never again will I give until my heart breaks with sadness
For one who enjoys being broken

The emotion that I am feels the tide, pushing me outward
Challenging the solidity of a grounded theory

I know the storm has just begun,
This blessing of rain
Must water me, even amidst the deluge
For I am the floods of Autumn, the cleansing destruction
Quenching those who thirst for that bare naked truth
Found only in the depths where sharks are swimming
This is my Power, I am a river, and sometimes it is difficult to see the current
Before it rips away your careless footing
And it’s ass over teakettle into the flow

I may talk too much but I never speak lightly
So believe me when I say;
I cannot lift you up if you won’t take my hand
I will never be your crutch or carry your weight
I am walking the path of my own making, leave your judgement at the door or don’t come in

Now go blaze your own trail into the ominous night
Search among your shadows for a glimmer of light
Make friends with the ever present fear and desire
Until you burn with your own inner wisdom and fire

For-H

When We were Stars

Sometimes I think it would be easier if we could be alone, but alas, we are an animal that craves the comfort of its own kind. Because of this, we are constantly giving up small pieces of ourselves, and filling those empty spaces with the pieces of another. Constantly compromising ourselves for the company of others who, despite their love, are cloying and ignorant of the stars behind your eyes.

So you attempt to bank your inner fire so you don’t burn others, but in loosing the flame you have lost the heat. Desperately you reach for the warmth of another, even as your heart craves the solace of mountains.

Struggling to maintain a balance between empathy and entropy, you age slowly in the privacy of your pages, recalling the nights when you shone fiercely in the darkness, burning with prose, and others made wishes upon your light.